Grits and Tamales

Life in the Deep South, by Gabriel Aguilera

A funny end of year missive from a friend…

As always, it is a pleasure to hear from you, your travails and triumphs. You find us in New Orleans, where we decided to abscond on a couple days planning. It’s been great. We had set our minds on traveling to Nashville, but the cold in [Home] was so bitter that we thought we could use some actual warmth. After scaling back our ambitions (we thought we would have enough money to make it to the Bahamas, that’s how sadly deluded we were), we settled on this pearl in the Gulf, the big city, where [our young son] has discovered new ways of indulging in the pleasures of the flesh.
I’m very happy and relieved to hear that you and your family are now enjoying the upside from the recent struggles. You have collectively survived a pretty traumatic experience; if that doesn’t bind you together more closely, I don’t know what will. I’m so sorry to hear about your niece’s accident, but there as well it seems that fortune has smiled at your family again.
Fortune, of course, has all but forsaken us collectively now that Trump has grabbed America by the pussy with his puny hands. No shame in getting fat from that, we are all feeling dejected. Get better and slimmer, and find some creative way to flip that idiot the bird. As for the infirmities of old age that are visiting upon you, welcome to my world. I would advice you to get rid of your right arm, but then your left would start acting up. The fact is that age is a slippery slope, so my real advice is that you find yourself a comely wench asap, and produce with her a couple babies.
Thanks for asking about [our daughter]. She has fully recovered from the episode of [illness], and now appears merely to have a bad haircut. I also am far calmer, though once in a while I start feeling agitated when I think about how damaged her head looked a few months ago. But you know me, I’ll feel agitated for just about anything.
We need to see each other again, soon. In the meantime, our warmest regards and best wishes for a very happy and prosperous 2017.
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